Huilin Lai, LCSW-R,CST

She/ Her

Founder & Executive Director

Tier IV Therapist/Coach

With a deep passion for psychology, I embarked on a transformative journey from China to the US, where I enrolled at the University of Pittsburgh in 2008. Fast forward over a decade, and I have devoted myself to empowering and supporting the Asian mental health communities. As an experienced therapist with expertise in cross-cultural issues, Asian sexuality, and complex traumas, I hold a license as an LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker), allowing me to practice psychotherapy in New York, New Jersey, California, Florida and Vermont. Additionally, I am recognized as an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) and an EMDRIA certified EMDR therapist. Furthermore, I am a licensed psychotherapist in China, enabling me to provide therapeutic services across different cultural contexts.

With over ten years of clinical experience, I firmly believe in the significance of the therapeutic relationship and the importance of honing professional skills. I have unwavering faith in the potential and strength of each individual, and through counseling, my goal is to assist clients in discovering their own ability and motivation to overcome challenges. Ultimately, my aim is to empower them to share the power of healing with others in need. In my practice, I integrate evidence-based interventions that have been proven effective in clinical settings. I strive to translate complex psychological theories into everyday language or warm and humorous stories, enabling clients to engage with their bodies, absorb, and internalize the concepts on a deeper level.

My goal is to assist clients in discovering their own ability and motivation to overcome challenges.

My Story

Beyond my primary role as a therapist, I am deeply involved in education, research, and community outreach. My commitment to fostering understanding and healing has led me to facilitate numerous psycho-educational workshops and therapeutic groups, focusing on relationships, sexuality education, and trauma healing, across a variety of clinical and community settings. As the founder of Ally Counseling and Therapy, a clinical practice field instructor for the graduate programs in Mental Health Counseling and Master of Social Work at New York University, and a supervisor for the sex therapy program at the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy, I provide supervision for novice therapists and consultation for experienced psychotherapists. My aim is to create an inclusive and welcoming space for all individuals, regardless of their abilities, age, gender, nationality, race/ethnicity, religious beliefs, or sexual orientation. Currently, my team includes over ten therapists, enabling us to offer a diverse range of services.

Becoming a mother in 2024 marked a profound turning point in both my personal life and professional journey. Despite nearly two decades of experience in psychology and psychotherapy, stepping into the role of a parent made me feel like a beginner again. My daughter brings both immense joy and significant challenges—one moment, I’m filled with delight at her warmth and playfulness, and the next, I’m navigating feelings of confusion, guilt, and exhaustion. Parenthood is a journey full of unknowns; it can be overwhelming, but it also reveals moments of deep fulfillment, often after facing the hardest parts. This experience has deepened my understanding of the therapeutic process many of my clients undergo.

In therapy, we often encourage clients to explore the unfamiliar and sometimes uncomfortable areas of their lives, trusting both in themselves and in the process. Parenting mirrors this in many ways—stepping into the unknown, sometimes unsure of one’s readiness, but guided by a sense of hope and love for what lies ahead. This personal experience has strengthened my empathy for clients, especially parents who are navigating similar challenges. Parenting is far from easy, but it fosters growth both within ourselves and in our relationships. It reminds us that facing uncertainty requires courage, and the growth that follows is both powerful and transformative.

Therapeutic Approaches

My personal approach is warm, flexible and interactive. I also bring my multicultural perspectives into work. I have expertise in several therapeutic approaches and can work flexibly with you to figure out what works best. Some of the specific scientifically supported treatments in which I have expertise include: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Ericksonian Hypnotherapy, Sex therapy, Sexuality education, Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), Internal Family System (IFS), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Attachment Based, Solution Focused, Mindfulness based, Psychoeducational, Life Coaching, Couples therapy, Family System and Spirituality.

Specialties

Developmental Trauma

Navigating through the hardships of developmental trauma together, we delve into the complexities of family abuse, emotional neglect, significant losses, and the unique pressures within LGBTQIA+ communities and society at large. These experiences, often leading to feelings of inferiority and unworthiness, impact not just our relationships and self-esteem but also our professional journeys. Our therapeutic journey is centered on overcoming the profound sense of "aloneness" that accompanies such trauma. By collaboratively addressing and healing from these deep-seated wounds, we aim to rediscover and learn the life lessons missed during childhood, enhancing both emotional and physical well-being. This process is about reconnecting with yourself and others, bolstering a renewed sense of self-belief and inner strength.

Emotional Disturbance

In the realm of emotional disturbances, we understand that symptoms like anxiety, depression, and procrastination are often the smoke rather than the fire itself. Together, in a nurturing environment, we'll explore these emotional signals, recognizing them as attempts at self-protection, albeit painful ones. By differentiating these emotions from their root causes with empathy and compassion, we embark on a journey toward emotional mastery. This path fosters a deep, meaningful connection with your emotions, empowering you to navigate and utilize them with greater effectiveness and self-awareness.

Personal Growth

Your personal growth journey is a collaborative exploration of your deepest values, self-esteem, and confidence, as well as your sexual orientation, gender identity, and cross-cultural experiences. Together, we'll set meaningful goals to steer through these challenges, supporting your evolution into the person you're meant to be. This journey is about harnessing courage, insight, and perseverance to discover and pursue your goals, overcome obstacles, and flourish into your ideal self.

Sex Therapy

In addressing sexual concerns and dissatisfaction through sex therapy, we take a specialized, psychotherapeutic approach that is unique to sexual well-being. Understanding that sexual issues rarely resolve on their own or within the confines of a healthy relationship, we delve into each individual's comprehensive biopsychosocial and sexual background. From addressing maladaptive sexual beliefs and behaviors to enhancing communication about sex, exploring sexual orientation and gender identity, and navigating open relationships and sexual trauma, our sessions are safe, supportive, and growth-oriented, all while maintaining professional boundaries.

Maternal Wellness Support

In my role as a therapist and a mother supporting women on their journey to motherhood, I witness the deeply personal and multifaceted challenges we face. I see the pain and longing in the struggles with getting pregnant, including the heartbreak of miscarriages and the silent battle with infertility. Many of these stories remain hidden or unprocessed due to taboos, fears, and obstacles to sharing. I understand the power of undoing the aloneness and instilling a sense of togetherness. I walk alongside them through the waves of pregnancy anxiety, understanding how the joy of carrying new life is often intertwined with fear and uncertainty about the physical and emotional changes ahead. I empathize with their journey through labor, the challenges of breastfeeding, and the adjustments needed to navigate new sleeping patterns. In the postpartum period, I’m there to help them through the hormonal fluctuations that can lead to depression, making it difficult to bond with their baby and intensifying feelings of isolation as they transition into their new identity as a mother. I hear their concerns about the immense pressure to be a perfect mother and the complexities of co-parenting. Through our sessions, I aim to provide a supportive and understanding space where they can find strength, resilience, and grace to navigate the beautiful yet challenging path of becoming a mother.

Support for Cancer and Other Illnesses

Facing a diagnosis of cancer or another serious illness brings a torrent of fear, grief, and uncertainty, alongside the overwhelming nature of treatments and medical terms. This journey can disrupt life's rhythm, creating financial and emotional strain. Yet, even beyond treatment, the challenge of returning to "normal" can feel isolating. In our sessions, we offer support to embrace life's vulnerabilities and crises, transforming a diagnosis into a chance for self-reflection, personal exploration, and growth. This process is about living in the present, releasing past regrets, and facing the future with peace, joy, and clarity, finding tranquility and fulfillment amidst adversity.

Credentials

Degree: University of Pittsburgh/Master of Social Work
License: New York State/LCSW-R081942
License: New Jersey State/LCSW-44SC06116900
License: California State/LCSW-120134
Registration: Florida Out of State Telehealth Provider
Registration: Vermont Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker - Interim Telehealth Registration
Certificate: University of Michigan / Sex Therapy and Sexuality Education
Certificate: The EMDR International Association/Certified EMDR Therapist
Certificate: American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) /Certified Sex Therapist
Certificate: New York Milton H. Erikson Society for Psychotherapy and Hypnosis (NYSEPH)/ Clinical Ericksonian Hypnosis
Certificate: School of Social Work at New York University/SIFI Certified Field Instructor
Advanced Training: At the Crossroads of Trauma Therapy: Integrating EMDR, Structural Dissociation, Attachment Repair and Parts Work with Rachel Walker
Advanced EMDR Training: The EMDR Toolbox: AIP Methods for Treating Complex PTSD & Dissociative Personality Structure with Jim Snipe
Advanced EMDR Training: Healing the Heart of Complex Trauma and Dissociation with EMDR and Ego State Therapy with Carol Forgash
Advanced EMDR Training: EMDR Training for Real-World Challenges with Deany Laliotis
Advanced EMDR Training: At War with Food: Trauma-Informed Clinical Skills for Treating the Spectrum of Eating Disorders with Andrew Seubert & Pam Virdi
Advanced EMDR Training: Dissociation Made Simple: An Inside Look for EMDR & Trauma Therapist with Jamie Marich
Advanced EMDR Training: The Soul of Dissociation with Amy Wagner
Advanced EMDR Training: Healing the Wounds of Attachment and Rebuilding Self with Deany Laliotis
Advanced EMDR Training: The Craft of EMDR Therapy: Taking it to the Next Level with Deany Laliotis
Advanced EMDR Training: The Dance of Attachment:An Advanced EMDR Clinical Course with Deany Laliotis
Advanced Training: Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy ( AEDP) Immersion Course
Advanced Training: Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy ( AEDP)Essential Skills Course (ES1)
Advanced Training: Internal Family System (IFS) Circle
Advanced Training: EMDR & Parts Work for Treating Complex Trauma: Somatic Techniques to Decrease Defensiveness and Facilitate Trauma Processing with Arielle Schwartz
Advanced Training: Integrative Sex and Couples Certification Training with Tammy Nelson
Advanced Training: Intensive Course in Emotionally Focused Therapy: Attachment-Based Interventions for Couples in Crisis with Dr. Sue Johnson

More About Me

Interesting Q & A with clients and supervisees over the years

Q: Why do you become a therapist?

A: "I remember when I was a kid, I was super obsessed with detective and spy stories, always curious about the stories behind the characters. I often wondered, what are the psychologies of these characters in novels, the actors on TV, and the people around me? Back then, I seriously considered joining the police academy or the military, living in my own fantasy world, becoming a super detective or spy. However, because I was born with flat feet and poor eyesight, I didn't even qualify to apply, so that dream had to be shelved 😄.

Later, I thought, since I love delving into people's psyches and enjoy expressing and communicating, why not study psychology to see if I could find joy in it. That's why I chose to major in social work. But what really made me decide to become a psychotherapist was my experience during my social work internship. At that time, I met many people who were struggling to find a way out of their hardships, and being able to be part of their healing process made me feel incredibly happy.

This was even more meaningful than trying to solve mysteries as a kid, because in real life, the truth isn't just one thing 😂. Some clients might initially think, "I'm not worthy of love because I'm a terrible person." But through therapy, they gradually discover, "Actually, I'm good enough, it's just that I encountered terrible things. The reason I thought this way was that I didn't handle these events well at the time." Now, they can state a new truth: "I will get better and better, because I have more resources and abilities to cope with difficulties, and I can also connect with wonderful people and things."

Q: What do you think about the diagnosis?
A: " It doesn't matter. You matter more, You Are More Than Your Diagnosis. Diagnosis only matters to insurance companies! No matter whether you’ve been given a diagnosis and regardless of what you’ve been diagnosed with, to me, you are much more than your diagnosis. I’m not interested in labeling you, and I would encourage you to begin seeing yourself beyond any labels too "

Q: Do therapists just sit there and nod?
A: "Haha! Well, yes, I do sit and listen, but I promise it's with genuine interest. I'm not just a 'nodding robot.' I actively participate in our work together. So, no worries, it won't feel like you're talking to a programmed professional."

Q: Is hypnotherapy the same as mindfulness? I'm a newbie
A: That's a really good question. Hypnotherapy and mindfulness are both incredibly therapeutic and helpful in their own ways. Mindfulness, as described by Kabat-Zinn, involves paying attention in a particular way, with no specific goal in mind, fully present in the moment, and without judgment. It teaches you to slow down and engage with your experiences, fostering a sense of stillness and clarity that is vital for healing and problem-solving. Mindfulness is all about being present and not actively trying to change anything.

On the other hand, hypnotherapy is a similar experiential process but doesn't necessarily focus on the present moment. It can be more goal-oriented and directed toward specific outcomes. In hypnotherapy, I often guide clients to explore their past experiences by metaphorically traveling through time or even to a different imaginative realm. It involves being receptive to suggestions, which allows us to work towards specific goals and desired behaviors. So while there are similarities between hypnotherapy and mindfulness, they have distinct approaches and purposes.

Q: What about homework?
A: Yes, I firmly believe that doing work outside of therapy will help you to build up emotional wellness muscles, expand your comfort zone, and solidify the gains made during our sessions together. Of course, with permission from every single part of you, you may leave therapy sessions with a homework assignment(s) tailored to you based on the great work you’ve done. You might be asked to work on self-care, connect with more supportive beings or tighten up your social circles to allow more time and space for yourself, reinforce an old skill, experiment with something new, write a poem, take a cooking lesson, etc…

Q: What is the most important part of being a therapist and coach?

A: "Humility. I really appreciate the diversity of my clients. They are my best teachers. "

Q: What will you do when you retire?

A: "Ah, retirement dreams! Well, I've always had a fascination with farming. So, I've been toying with the idea of purchasing a therapeutic farm. Imagine using it for farming, as a therapeutic retreat, and even for animal rescue. The possibilities are endless!"

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