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Huilin Lai, LCSW-R,CST

She/ Her

Founder & Executive Director

Tier IV Therapist/Coach

Welcome to Ally Counseling and Therapy.

 

My name is Huilin Lai, and I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW-R), an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST), and an EMDRIA Certified EMDR Therapist. My work focuses on trauma recovery, sexuality, intimacy, relationships, and cross-cultural concerns.

 

As a first-generation immigrant and former international student, I have spent much of my adult life exposed to different cultures, values, and ways of understanding the world. These experiences sparked a lasting curiosity about people, relationships, and the ways culture shapes our choices, beliefs, and life paths.

 

After more than a decade of clinical work, I have come to believe that meaningful change happens within the context of safe, authentic relationships. While training and techniques matter, some of the most powerful moments in therapy occur when people no longer have to face their struggles alone.

 

One question has continued to guide my work:

 

Why are some people incredibly good at surviving, yet struggle to feel fully alive?

 

Whether we are exploring trauma, relationships, sexuality, life transitions, or cross-cultural experiences, we often find ourselves returning to the same questions:

 

Am I good enough?

Am I safe?

Do I have choice and agency in my life?

Am I living in a way that feels true to who I am?

 

Many people are not as lacking in strength as they believe. They have simply lost touch with it. My role is not to hand people answers, but to help them recognize the strengths, resilience, and resources that already exist within them. 

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My goal is to help people move from human doing to human being—not simply by reducing symptoms, but by helping them reconnect with what makes them feel most alive.

My Story

Beyond my clinical work, I have become increasingly passionate about education, mentorship, team development, and community outreach. Over the years, I have facilitated psychoeducational workshops, professional trainings, and therapeutic groups focused on relationships, sexuality, trauma recovery, and personal growth across a variety of clinical and community settings.

 

As the founder of Ally Counseling and Therapy, I have had the privilege of growing alongside a diverse team of therapists, each bringing their own strengths, perspectives, and lived experiences to our work. I also serve as a clinical field instructor for graduate students in counseling and social work and provide supervision, consultation, and mentorship to clinicians at different stages of their professional journey.

 

Over time, I have come to realize that one of the most rewarding aspects of my work is not only witnessing clients grow, but also helping fellow therapists discover their own voice, style, and professional identity—and become more authentic, confident, and connected versions of themselves.

 

Creating a space where people feel welcomed, respected, understood, and supported has always been important to me. I strive to foster an environment where people from diverse backgrounds, identities, abilities, beliefs, and relationship structures feel a genuine sense of belonging. Today, our team includes more than ten therapists, allowing us to offer a broader range of perspectives and care for clients with diverse backgrounds and needs.

 

Becoming a parent added an entirely new dimension to my understanding of human development, attachment, vulnerability, and resilience. Despite nearly two decades of studying psychology and practicing psychotherapy, this new role somehow brought me right back to being a beginner.

 

Parenthood has brought moments of tremendous joy, wonder, confusion, guilt, and exhaustion. One moment I find myself completely immersed in the warmth and sweetness of raising a child; the next, I am reminded of how much uncertainty exists in this journey. Some of the most treasured moments in life are rarely the easiest ones. They often ask us to move through discomfort, uncertainty, and vulnerability before they quietly reveal themselves.

 

This experience has given me an even deeper appreciation for many of the journeys I encounter in therapy. It has also reminded me of a truth that continues to guide my work:

​

Growth rarely comes from having all the answers. More often, it emerges when we stay curious enough to remain in the parts of life that feel uncertain, messy, and deeply human.

Therapeutic Approaches 

My therapeutic style is warm, collaborative, flexible, and interactive. As a first-generation immigrant and multicultural therapist, I also bring cultural humility and cross-cultural perspectives into my work. I believe that meaningful change happens within the context of a safe, authentic, and trusting therapeutic relationship.

 

In therapy, I strive to create a space that feels safe, genuine, and collaborative—while also leaving room for curiosity, creativity, and exploration. We are not always talking about problems. Sometimes we find ourselves exploring meaning, relationships, identity, desire, life's contradictions, or even those moments that are both heartbreaking and oddly funny at the same time.

 

My work is grounded in trauma-focused, attachment-based, relational, and sex-positive perspectives. I help clients explore how past experiences may continue to influence their emotions, relationships, beliefs, behaviors, sexuality, and connection to themselves. Together, we work to increase self-awareness, process difficult experiences, strengthen resilience, and create lasting change.

 

Many of the clients I work with are navigating questions related to self-worth, safety, autonomy, belonging, intimacy, and pleasure. As our work deepens, we often discover that symptoms are only part of the story. Rather than focusing solely on symptom reduction, we also become curious about the stories beneath those symptoms and the possibilities that emerge when new choices become available.

 

I frequently incorporate parts-oriented and experiential approaches to help clients better understand, accept, and integrate the different aspects of themselves that emerge in response to trauma, relationships, and life experiences. My work is integrative and draws from a variety of evidence-based and experiential approaches, including Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), Ericksonian Hypnotherapy, Ego State Therapy, Internal Family Systems (IFS)-informed approaches, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Sex Therapy and sexuality education, mindfulness-based approaches, couples and relationship therapy, family systems perspectives, and specialized training in trauma and dissociation.

 

While different theories and models offer valuable maps, no single framework can fully explain the complexity of a human life. Rather than rushing to fit someone into a particular model, I prefer to remain open and curious about the unique person sitting in front of me—and the story that belongs to them.

Specialties

Attachment Trauma & Relational Healing

 

Many of the struggles we experience in adulthood have roots in our earliest relationships. Experiences such as emotional neglect, family conflict, abuse, significant losses, cultural pressures, discrimination, or attachment injuries can shape how we view ourselves, relate to others, and navigate intimacy, trust, and belonging.

 

These experiences often leave people feeling alone, disconnected, or unworthy. Over time, many become remarkably good at surviving while carrying wounds that never had the opportunity to heal.

 

Together, we work to understand how these patterns developed, process unresolved wounds, and create new experiences of safety, connection, and self-compassion. At the heart of this work is healing the profound sense of aloneness that trauma often creates and helping people build more authentic relationships with themselves and others.

 

Sex Therapy & Intimacy

 

Many people come to therapy believing they have a “sexual problem.” Over time, however, we often discover that sex is rarely just about sex. Sexual concerns are often intertwined with our relationships, attachment experiences, cultural messages, body image, personal histories, and experiences of trauma or shame.

 

Sometimes what appears to be a conversation about sex is actually a conversation about safety. Sometimes what appears to be a conversation about desire is really a conversation about connection. And sometimes what appears to be a conversation about sexuality is a conversation about whether we feel free to be ourselves.

 

As an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, I help individuals, couples, and people in diverse relationship structures navigate concerns related to desire discrepancy, sexual functioning, intimacy, communication, sexual shame, sexual trauma, consensual non-monogamy, sexual orientation, gender identity, and relationship dynamics. My approach is sex-positive, trauma-focused, and culturally responsive. Together, we create a safe, nonjudgmental space to explore sexuality with curiosity, authenticity, and compassion while cultivating greater connection, pleasure, and freedom.

 

Identity, Self-Worth & Personal Growth

 

Many people seek therapy during periods of transition, uncertainty, or self-discovery. Questions about identity, self-worth, belonging, purpose, culture, relationships, sexual orientation, gender identity, and life direction often emerge during these times.

 

As a first-generation immigrant and multicultural therapist, I understand the complexity of navigating different cultural expectations, identities, and definitions of success. I believe growth is not about becoming someone else. It is about becoming more fully yourself.

 

Not everyone grows up in an environment that makes self-discovery feel safe. Sometimes, what we need is a village—a place where we feel understood, supported, and reminded that we do not have to change who we are in order to earn love, belonging, or acceptance.

​

I hope therapy can become one small part of that village. Together, we explore the experiences that shaped your sense of self, challenge limiting beliefs, strengthen self-worth, and create space for a life that feels more authentic, meaningful, and fully your own.

​

Anxiety, Depression & Emotional Distress

 

Symptoms such as anxiety, depression, procrastination, perfectionism, burnout, and emotional overwhelm are often the smoke rather than the fire itself. Rather than viewing these experiences as personal failures, we explore them as meaningful attempts to adapt, survive, or protect ourselves in the face of stress, adversity, or painful life experiences.

 

Instead of rushing to eliminate these emotions, we become curious about what they may be trying to communicate, what they are protecting, and the needs or experiences that may lie beneath them.

 

Through therapy, we work to understand the deeper roots of emotional distress while developing greater emotional awareness, self-compassion, and flexibility. The goal is not simply symptom reduction, but a more empowered, compassionate, and authentic relationship with your emotional world.

 

Parenthood, Fertility & Perinatal Mental Health

 

The journey into parenthood can be one of life's most meaningful and transformative experiences, while also being one of its most challenging. It often brings joy, hope, and connection alongside uncertainty, grief, fear, and profound change.

 

Whether you are navigating infertility, pregnancy loss, fertility treatments, pregnancy anxiety, birth experiences, postpartum adjustment, or the identity and relationship shifts that often accompany parenthood, you do not have to face these experiences alone.

 

As both a therapist and a parent, I understand the importance of having a space where these experiences can be explored honestly and compassionately. Many people prepare for having a child, but few feel fully prepared for how deeply parenthood can change their sense of self, their relationships, and their daily lives.

 

My goal is to provide a supportive space where both the joys and challenges of this journey can be acknowledged, helping clients develop resilience, self-compassion, and a greater sense of connection along the way.

 

Cancer & Serious Illness

 

A diagnosis of cancer or another serious illness can profoundly impact one's sense of identity, safety, relationships, and future. Beyond the physical challenges of treatment, many individuals find themselves facing uncertainty, grief, fear, and difficult questions about meaning, purpose, and what truly matters.

 

Often, the most difficult part is not only the illness itself, but learning to live with uncertainty and confronting aspects of life that cannot be controlled or predicted.

 

Whether you are a patient or a caregiver, therapy can provide a space to process these experiences, navigate difficult emotions, strengthen coping resources, and reconnect with sources of meaning and connection.

 

While illness often brings profound vulnerability, it can also invite reflection, growth, and a deeper appreciation of life, relationships, and the present moment. Healing does not always mean overcoming illness. Sometimes it means finding meaning, connection, and the strength to keep moving forward in the midst of uncertainty.

Credentials 

  • Degree: University of Pittsburgh/Master of Social Work

  • License: New York State/LCSW-R081942

  • License: New Jersey State/LCSW-44SC06116900

  • License: California State/LCSW-120134

  • Registration: Florida Out of State Telehealth Provider

  • Registration: Vermont Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker - Interim Telehealth Registration

  • Certificate: University of Michigan / Sex Therapy and Sexuality Education

  • Certificate: The EMDR International Association/Certified EMDR Therapist

  • ​Certificate: American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) /Certified Sex Therapist

  • Certificate: New York Milton H. Erikson Society for Psychotherapy and Hypnosis (NYSEPH)/ Clinical Ericksonian Hypnosis​

  • Certificate: School of Social Work at New York University/SIFI Certified Field Instructor 

  • Advanced Training: At the Crossroads of Trauma Therapy: Integrating EMDR, Structural Dissociation, Attachment Repair and Parts Work with Rachel Walker

  • Advanced EMDR Training: The EMDR Toolbox: AIP Methods for Treating Complex PTSD & Dissociative Personality Structure with Jim Snipe

  • Advanced EMDR Training: Healing the Heart of Complex Trauma and Dissociation with EMDR and Ego State Therapy with Carol Forgash 

  • Advanced EMDR Training: EMDR Training for Real-World Challenges with Deany Laliotis

  • Advanced EMDR Training: At War with Food: Trauma-Informed Clinical Skills for Treating the Spectrum of Eating Disorders with Andrew Seubert & Pam Virdi

  • Advanced EMDR Training: Dissociation Made Simple: An Inside Look for EMDR & Trauma Therapist with Jamie Marich

  • Advanced EMDR Training: The Soul of Dissociation with Amy Wagner

  • Advanced EMDR Training: Healing the Wounds of Attachment and Rebuilding Self with Deany Laliotis

  • Advanced EMDR Training: The Craft of EMDR Therapy: Taking it to the Next Level with Deany Laliotis

  • Advanced EMDR Training: The Dance of Attachment:An Advanced EMDR Clinical Course with Deany Laliotis

  • Advanced EMDR Training: EMDR 2.0 and Powerful techniques within EMDR: EMD bomb, Flash 1.0, Flashforward and Mental Video Check with Ad de Jongh andSuzy Matthijssen

  • Advanced EMDR Training: EMDR Therapy and Dissociative Disorders: Ethical Considerations, Case Conceptualization, and Treatment Planning (EMDRIA Advanced Training)

  • Advanced Training: Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy ( AEDP)  Immersion Course

  • Advanced Training: Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy ( AEDP) Essential Skills Course (ES1)

  • Advanced Training: Internal Family System (IFS) Circle 

  • Advanced Training: EMDR & Parts Work for Treating Complex Trauma: Somatic Techniques to Decrease Defensiveness and Facilitate Trauma Processing with Arielle Schwartz

  • Advanced Training: Integrative Sex and Couples Certification Training with Tammy Nelson

  • Advanced Training: Intensive Course in Emotionally Focused Therapy: Attachment-Based Interventions for Couples in Crisis with Dr. Sue Johnson

  • Advanced Training: Relational Life Therapy Level 1 & 2 with Terry Real

  • Advanced Training: Certified Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinical Specialist Intensive Training (ASDCS) - 2nd Edition: Affirming Neurodiversity with Strengths- and Abilities-Based Interventions 

​More About Me

Interesting questions I have received from clients, supervisees, and students over the years.

 

Q: Why do you become a therapist?

A: As a kid, I was obsessed with detective and spy stories. I wanted to know what people were thinking, why they did what they did, and what was happening beneath the surface.For a while, I seriously considered becoming a detective or joining the military. Unfortunately, between my flat feet and terrible eyesight, those plans didn't exactly work out 😄.

 

So I studied psychology and social work instead. What ultimately led me to psychotherapy was my internship experience. I met many people who were struggling and trying to make sense of painful experiences. Being invited into that process felt deeply meaningful.

 

Therapy turns out to be a lot like detective work.

 

Except instead of solving crimes, we're often trying to understand why a good person has spent years believing that they are the problem. 

 

One of my favorite things about therapy is that real life rarely offers a single truth. What begins as “Something is wrong with me” often becomes “Something painful happened to me.” 

 

And from there, a new story can begin.

 

Q: Why did you choose to specialize in trauma and sexuality?

​A: Growing up in China, I was surrounded by a culture where pleasure was often undervalued and success seemed to require suffering. Joy was frequently criticized, and any form of indulgence could be viewed as laziness, weakness, or even moral failure. This mindset has shaped generations of people, including many people I love.

​

I still remember handing in an assignment one minute late in middle school. My teacher told me that if I was “this lazy,” I would never succeed in China and might as well move to the United States because Americans were “lazy.” 😄 Instead of motivating me, her comment sparked a question that stayed with me for years: What would it be like to live in a place where people were allowed to rest, have fun, and simply be human rather than constantly proving their worth?

 

Many years later, I did move to the United States—and realized I was still fascinated by the same question:

​

Why are some people incredibly good at surviving, yet struggle to feel fully alive?

​

Over time, I began to notice that people trapped in trauma and people trapped in shame-based or sex-negative narratives often face remarkably similar struggles. They may have learned how to protect themselves, adapt, and meet the expectations of others, yet gradually lose touch with intimacy, creativity, vitality, and pleasure.

 

Many people know how to survive. Fewer know how to love, connect, explore, create, or fully enjoy being alive.

 

I don't see therapy as helping people become someone new. I see it as a process of rediscovering and reclaiming the parts of ourselves that were constrained by fear, shame, or painful experiences—helping people move beyond survival and reconnect with life.

​

Q: Why EMDR?

​A: Honestly, part of the answer is probably fate 😄.

 

EMDR was one of the first experiential therapies I encountered as a young therapist, and I was struck by how quickly meaningful change could happen. At first, I wasn't convinced because I understood the theory. I was convinced because I saw the results. I watched people experience shifts that seemed difficult to explain through insight alone. I experienced some of those shifts myself. And like any good detective, I got curious:

 

"Wait... why is this working so well?"

 

That curiosity eventually turned into a full-blown nerd-out. Over the years, I studied EMDR, trauma, attachment, dissociation, parts work, hypnosis, sex therapy, AEDP, and just about every experiential approach I could get my hands on. Somewhere along the way, I realized I wasn't actually collecting therapy models. I was chasing the same question from different angles:

 

How do people really change?

 

What keeps drawing me back to EMDR is the reminder that meaningful change doesn't always happen by tearing everything down and rebuilding from scratch. Sometimes a single experience can reorganize an entire system. Sometimes one missing piece changes the meaning of everything around it.

 

One of my favorite moments in therapy is when a client says, “I've known that for years.” And then pauses. “But now I actually feel it.” That is often when real change begins—not because we discovered something new, but because something that was once understood intellectually has finally become lived and felt.


Q: What will you do when you retire?

A:  ðŸ˜„ Maybe I've been lucky enough to find work that I genuinely love, so I don't imagine myself ever fully retiring.

 

That said, I've always dreamed of having a therapeutic farm—a place with animals, nature, learning, healing, and plenty of opportunities to get my hands dirty.

 

So if I ever do retire, I'll probably just end up doing therapy in muddy boots.

© Ally Counseling and Therapy

138 West 25th St, FL 8, New York, NY 10001

24-20 Jackson Ave, Long Island City, NY 11101

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